Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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