it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
