I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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