She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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