wat bout pragnant strippers??
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
