I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
