She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
