I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
