If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
