I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
That's when you crack a 10am beer
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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