I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
