I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
