i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
