Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
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I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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