God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
