loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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