wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize