I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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