I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
