Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
