i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
