on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
