I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
