its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize