Apparently you make a good broom.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
the liver wants what the liver wants
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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