I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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