Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize