Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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