The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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