That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
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No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
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I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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