Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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