his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize