All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
That accounts for only three of the penises
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
