Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
