Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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