you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
