fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
