Pappa wants mamma naked
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
