I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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