the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
