he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
