just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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