I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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