that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
