I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
