Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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