I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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