hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
