It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
