She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
