Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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