this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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