in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
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The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
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I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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