we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The adults are the big ones right?
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