sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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