I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
