I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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