i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
