what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize