it's not cheating when I paid for it
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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