it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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