i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
