peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
