apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
