My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
