plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Randomize
