Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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