If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
