I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Randomize
