its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
