I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
