Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
bring money and cleavage
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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