Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
